The Quill

Life & death, they are the yin and yang of the circle of life.

For all of us they are natural and complement each other.

Accidents, sickness, jackass pranks, old age are all unfortunate but natural.

What is not natural though is doing something drastically stupid that leads to your untimely but impressive demise.

So first we must present our respects to all who have passed here before us, and next we need to present their accomplishments:

1-Falling while having sex on a highrise glass balcony

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/10892221/Two-teenage-students-die-after-falling-from-south-London-balcony-while-having-sex.html

Its not clear which part of not humping on the ledge of a balcony was confusing to this couple but it appears the physics of their sexual attraction was overridden by the physics of the mother planet. Or perhaps everyone got this all wrong and they were just trying to unsuccessfully re-enact the scene of the flying magic carpet from Aladdin butt-naked.

2-Shooting yourself in court to re-enact a suicide

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clement_Vallandigham

Clement was a good attorney and wanted to showcase in court that the victim his client was accused of killing did instead shoot himself by accident. So to drive the point through, he re-enacted the events, drawing his loaded pistol in court and shooting himself fatally. It goes to show, you can be a good attorney but if you don’t check if your gun is actually loaded before you proceed to shoot yourself in court you are an idiot.

3-Having non consensual sex with a donkey

http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/saudi-man-allegedly-died-after-trying-sodomize-donkey

Now how can we describe this exactly.. ok, it was reported that one fine gentleman from saudi arabia was found kicked to death next to a donkey, with his pants down. Now we are not saying he was trying to bone that donkey, but he was definitely trying to bone that donkey.

So what else can be said here, well it seems the donkey had standards.

4-Masturbating 56 times straight like it was a marathon

http://ynaija.com/this-teenager-died-of-a-heart-attack-after-masturbating-too-much-on-valentines-day-pictured/

This it must be said is hilarious, so much so that i have doubts about its authenticity.

No one can be that stupid as to kill himself masturbating none stop til his heart stops, no one. That said if it turned out to be true it would certainly be one for the golden record books.

5-Playing Starcraft for days without eating or sleeping

http://arstechnica.com/gaming/2005/08/923/

This one story comes from south Korean and concerned Starcraft therefore it is trustworthy. Starcraft is the pride of the whole nation of South Korea which is cool and all for us gamers. But we must admit, western gamers were humbled by this, it’s very rare to find someone spending days without food or water on this game til they drop dead, unless its World of Warcraft of course.